A few years ago I was in a very depressed state. Not leaving the house, playing video games 12-18 hours a day and drinking myself to sleep. During this time I had a conversation with my brother about a seemingly unrelated topic, why I find some people hard to talk to. I was struggling to figure out what it was that made conversations flow with some people and not others. I could not understand why I often had nothing to say to people I shared a lot of views with. On the other hand some people I had absolutely nothing in common with I could talk for hours and stay engaged. If it’s not common ground that makes someone interesting to me, what is it? Why do I find that many people are hard to talk to.
My brother just looked at me and said “It’s because they are not up to something”. When he said that something clicked and the concept of being up to something has dominated my life since. If you are not doing anything interesting, you have nothing interesting to talk about.
Now the concept of “up to something” is intuitive to me but a bit hard to explain. If I were to put it into one sentence, being up to something is actively doing something extraordinary in your life you are passionate about. One caveat is the “something” can’t just be interacting with a vanilla form of entertainment like movies or in my case video games, that’s not extraordinary. Creating video games or movies can certainly be something, just not playing or watching them.
Given my introduction about depression, you might be wondering how being up to something relates. During that conversation I also realized there is an inverse relation between people who tell me they are depressed and people who are up to something. Simply put, people who are depressed are not up to something. As XKCD awesomely pointed out recently there is a difference between correlation and causation (read the moue over text). I am pointing out a correlation I have noticed in my life. All I can give you on this is the empirical evidence of what has and has not worked for me.
Some examples from my own life; I don’t think I told him at the time but out of this talk I had with my brother I decided I was going to be up to something with my life. The first thing I did is look at my life and what was the most upsetting to me and decided I was going to be up to fixing them. They were relationship and college degree. Relationship is such a difficult subject so I am going to shelf it for a future post.
At the time this conversation took place I was living in Tucson. My brother offered to let me live with him so I could afford to work half time and go back to college. So I moved up to Phoenix and went back to college to get my degree. About three weeks into summer school I was as depressed as ever and even more upset because my theory about being up to something to make me happy had failed.
The truth is that the theory had not failed me, I had failed to be up to something. It turns out I hate college. I love learning, I just hate all the hoops you have to jump through like tests. I eventually came to realize that while finishing my degree is a good idea, it’s not something I am passionate about, thus is not being up to something.
I then thought back to one of the happiest times in my adult life. I started a weekly internet radio show out of my house with live DJs called AZSessions that turned into a DJ crew down in Tucson. So I then rallied some of my excellent friends to start a DJ crew and get a weekly gig here in Phoenix. I had something to look forward to and instead of focusing on what I was not happy about, I had something fun to focus my energy on. Just going out to look for the venue, talking to people and practicing DJing lit me up. It was the first time I had been really happy for any length of time in years. We of course eventually found a place to have a weekly and had an awesome run there. During this I also noticed I was having exciting and interesting conversation with people. People starting being excited to see me to hear about my last DJ gig and started to share what their passions are. I was lying in bed at 3am after we had our opening night unable to sleep totaly lit up. The thought came to me, I had done it! I was up to something and more then that, I was happy.
Unfortunately after a while the weekly was no longer extraordinary. It was really a lot of work and eventually turned into a kind of super low paying job. While I was passionate about DJing still, the weekly gig did not light me up anymore. It was time to find something new to be up to, I needed a bigger game. So I thought to myself, I have always wanted to travel the world.
I don’t think I need to paint the picture of how going on a world trip is being up to something. What I do want to say is the being up to the trip started nine months before I hopped on the first plane, the moment I decided to go. As soon as I decided to go and started talking to be about it I was back fully engaged in life and happy as a pickle. That something kept me happy and doing interesting things for eighteen months.
Now I am back and have a few new interesting things in the works. I will save the details for a future post. The point I want people to take away from this post is that when you are feeling down for an extended period of time you might want to ask your self, am I up to something?